Caught not Taught

Although the rules around love,dating and marriage have changed in the past 50 years, after all, the fundamentals of love are timeless.. The first year of marriage is hard. Ok, ok, hard is probably an understatement. But the luxury of retrospect allows me to look back at that first year through a lens of gratitude and have come a long way from where I was I in may 2015.,Here are 8 lessons I learned during my first year of marriage.

Agree on finances and budget monthly.

Agreeing on our finances, and budgeting every month together (we each get a say on how to spend our money), has opened up lines of communication that we never thought possible.It also helped us to be on the same page, working together towards the same goals.

Despite your best intentions,you’re going to hurt your spouse.

Fights are inevitable. Real fights about serious stuff, as well as real-seeming fights about stupid stuff. Sometimes the latter can be more dangerous than the former. It’s a lot harder to forgive someone when they’re unnecessarily cruel in a stupid fight. The fights will happen, so it’s all about dealing with them and not letting small issues get out of control or fester into big issues. We have a firm rule about not going to sleep mad. I know that sounds like a cliché, but it’s a cliché worth clinging on to. If the air isn’t clear, I can’t sleep well anyway.

Everyone is weird and wonderful.

He likes to talk to himself and I’ve been known to celebrate a little holiday called “No Shower Saturday” (sometimes followed by Sunday). Choosing to spend your life with another human being is the quickest way to realize we all have our crazy quirks and dirty little secrets. But real love is loving someone DESPITE their tendency to regularly fall asleep fully clothed on top of the bed (it happens!). It’s a privilege to get to know each other’s true selves… no matter how weird we all really are.

Recognize that you’re not the same person and that you have different needs.

This is really just going a bit deeper with the respect idea! Two people are just that – two people.You and your partner and not the same person, no matter how much you share and have in common. It is important to recognize and respect the ways in which you’re different in order to avoid hurt feelings, disappointment, and even resentment. For example, He really likes a few minutes of quiet each morning to sip his coffee and mentally prepare for the day. I’m kind of a chatterbox and will happily start talking to him first thing in the morning! Now I ’ve come to really enjoy our few quiet minutes of togetherness in the morning, and once he’s had some time to think, then he’s ready to have a conversation

Say thank you and show your appreciation.

Let your partner know when you notice the things they do for you, even the little things! This also ties back into respect. I am so very lucky that He always voices appreciation for what I do. He makes it clear he appreciates everything I do at home and acknowledges he doesn’t have time to keep the apartment clean, have dinner ready, go shopping, etc. I know he actually likes to clean and cook (how lucky am I?!), but that he doesn’t usually have the time, so I make sure to say thank you whenever he does the dishes, cleans up, or takes care of something else around the house. He constantly tells me that I’m the one who makes home “home” and knows just how much work it takes, and I’m very thankful for that. You have to celebrate the good but remember the bad. No one should live a life of regret, but remembering the moments when you’ve failed will help you not repeat the same mistakes later.

Honesty Saves Us

We had a handful of brutally honest conversations; raw, no holds barred. Instead of the back-biting, insulting, subtle expressions of in-confidence and regret – we’re both too good at that stuff – he started coming out with the truth, no matter the consequences. Marital blowouts happen. Honesty saved us.

Prayer is vital.

This list would be remiss if it didn’t include the overriding importance and power of prayer in our relationship. This is something new since we got married,. But the first year of marriage has shown us that prayer is truly powerful and a source of unending strength.. Even in the midst of difficulties, we both feel so divinely led on the path that we are taking as a married couple. I can’t even explain it.

No one can truly love you until you love yourself.

Make sure that you have time for yourself, and don’t only focus on making your significant other happy. Regularly go to the gym. Don’t give up on the things that make you who you are for the benefit of someone else. You used to write? Write. You used to bike? Bike. You used to volunteer? Volunteer. Don’t stop being yourself, and if you’re one of the lucky ones,(like me)  your partner will support you in every way. Wake up, look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are happy. Ask yourself what you want accomplish and then go do it. Go make yourself happy. Do it without depending on anyone else.The right partner will fill you with joy and complete the open space in your heart, but only once you’ve successfully found yourself.. Find your own success and your own happiness.

Did i miss anything? Do comment and let me know

SurealScribblings a.k.a SruthiRaj

Disclaimer:

The images used in this blog’s posts are found from different sources all over the Internet, and are assumed to be in public domain and are displayed under the fair use principle. I provide information on the image’s source  whenever possible, and will link back to the owner’s website wherever applicable

Credits : Studio 31 by Pranesh Photography